Real notices

Real notices spotted around the world and written by...well, "people whose first language is not English".
1. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
2. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
3. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
4. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
5. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
6. In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
7. A sign in a Paris hotel: "Please leave your values at the front desk"
8. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it"
9. Instructions in a Belgrade elevator: "To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."
10. A sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar"
11. A sign in a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
12. From an advertisement by a dentist in Hong Kong: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists"
13. How a sewage treatment plant was marked on a Tokyo map: "Dirty Water Punishment Place"
14. Sign in a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up"
15. Sign in an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."
16. Sign in a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take one of our horse driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages."
17. From the instructions on a Japanese hotel air conditioner: "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
18. Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions"
19. From the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for"
20. From a tourist brochure: "In the close village you can buy jolly memorials for when you pass away."
21. Two signs in a Majorcan shops: "Here speeching American" and “English well talking.”
22. Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."
23. From a story in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."
24. Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
25. Detour sign in Japan: "Stop. Drive sideways."
26. Sign at a Swiss inn: "Special Today - no ice cream"
27. Instructions on a Japanese medicine bottle: "Adults: 1 tablet 3 times a day until passing away"
28. In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.