Limericks!

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who liver on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene

There was an old man of Philly,
Who was hooked on the movie Free Willy.
He quit his job at the jail,
for a dolphin and whale,
And so was the life of Wee Willy.

There once was a old man from Norway -
who cussed as he sat in a doorway-
the door smacked him flat-
and he yelled "what was that"?
that disgruntled old man from Norway!

There once was a kid named Darren
Who's room was surprisingly barren
He had no toys
Like all normal boys
But he did believe in sharing

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

There once was a guy named Matt
Who had an overly large cat
When it chased a mouse
It shook the whole house
So Matt got rid of the cat.

There once was a consumer named Phil
Who really wanted to kill
A sly young vendor
Who mad him a big spender
And gave him a very large bill.

There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
There once was a boy from Montreal
Who loved to play basketball
For a team he tried out
But if he made it, I doubt
For you see, he was three feet tall!